Having been battling cancer for four years has been quite a fight. I’ve changed so much and I have learned so much. Trying to remain whole in a body that isn’t whole. Trying to become normal, when I have never fit the “normalcy” mold. Peharps presumptuous of me to say, but i am special. I am a daughter of God & I don’t apologize for that.
I realize that my time may be limited. However, the quality of my time must be beyond the standards of best. I have never been afraid of dying, I, however have always been afraid of living…. Of enjoying myself so much it may take away from someone. My fear is being selfish! I don’t want to take for my self what others could have and be happy with. I rather see someone else happy & smiling, I rather their happiness over mine. I genuinely live for that. It makes me happy to see others happy even at the expense of my own happiness. Even more so, behind the curtains of anonymity.
I want to leave a mark in this crazy world…. Something good and lasting. I want those who love me to remember me fondly and always smiling!
I am NOT dying physically–Not yet. However, I do feel like something inside of me is dying…..it has been for a lil while. I hope & pray that which is dying inside of me is fear…… I don’t want to be afraid of living anymore!
“Live life to the fullest…for tomorrow isn’t promised”
Blessings & Love,